my quaint world

Bugger, been flying countless time now and this is ma FIRST time missing my flight by 1 MINUTE!

Worst part is that, I actually woke up QUITE early, rushed, panicked, and arrived at the airport an hour before. Checked in. Got my coffee. Strolled in.

Then, I remembered I had to buy ciggies. Then, there was the queue to pay...

Next thing I know is that I am running like a hurricane, gushing thru everything and everyone and I am late by a minute. Sigh.

So I am sitting here at Pacific coffee, having my second cuppa and filling up my time.

Be back soon!

Just had a chat on the IM with littlecreature. We are going to start a daimoku campaign together, in challenging together, heart and soul with our dear friend, Sze in Taipei.

Sze's told me this Monday that the tumor in her liver has grown in size. She's got to go thru TAE again. And she's been having pain in her tummy too these weeks. My my my, its really a tough time for her.

A tough girl she is. She told me she'll not give up as long as her doctor doesn't give up on curing her. That's the spirit, attagirl!

littlecreature: Let's focus our determination to ~
1) chant for Sze's good fortune to be able to live life to the fullest and be able to overcome her health karma
2) chant to overcome our personal challenges and to achieve victories in our own lives
3) chant to be able to fuse our lives with the Mystic Law and be able to contribute to kosen rufu

littlecreature: Let's send her our determinations and I'll get the daimoku chart
nam: okok :)

1 million daimoku campaign!

Also, she reminded me :

We have to continue moving on because our lives are very dynamic. Nothing is static in this world, the only thing that is permananent is changes..
And, as human beings we evolved, we mature, we embark on new journey, rediscover ourselves, but never regress ok?

** She sits back and let out a little yawn, but her face is flushin with deep convictions

(Ma phone's current ringing tune)

A friend did a short translation for me :

Je ne veux pas travailler = I don't want to work
Je ne veux pas déjeuner = I don't want breakfast
Je veux seulement oublier = I only want to forget
Et puis je fume = And then I smoke

"That's depressing even translating it - you sure you like it? Are you not in a happy place at the moment?" He asked me.

Of course I am happy! Just that the tune gives me a very nostalgic feel :)

From http://martini-pink.lyrics-songs.com/

Ma chambre a la forme d'une cage
Le soleil passe son bras par la fenêtre Les chasseurs à ma porte Comme les petits soldats Qui veulent me prendre

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement oublier
Et puis je fume

Déjà j'ai connu le parfum de l'amour
Un million de roses
N'embaumeraient pas autant
Maintenant une seule fleur
Dans mes entourages
Me rend malade

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement oublier
Et puis je fume

Je ne suis pas fière de ça
Vie qui veut me tuer
C'est magnifique
Être sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement oublier
Et puis je fume

Je ne suis pas fière de ça
Vie qui veut me tuer
C'est magnifique
Être sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement oublier
Et puis je fume

After the birthday fever is over, I guess this is exactly how I felt - lost in translation.

So much thoughts, so little time.

But in anycase, as I crosses the minutes into my 27th year of existence - i redetermined to renew my determinations :) - to live a glorious life, fulfilled and all happiness.

How? Where do I go from here? I realised this year, I've done pretty nothing much except for too much workings and partyings. Of course, the travellings has been a plus points but yet, the enthusiasm has died down and the travels has become a part of the job. I know, I should strike myself out of this ritual and make values in every moment of my life.

Therefore, here comes 2006 and its time again to brainstorm and write my resolutions for the new year.

Meantime, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me again!

** She smiles an everlasting smile

Its the first day of my n-th year of existence!

Somehow, I'd like to feel especially special on this day. Feel renewed and anew. Redetermined and regenerated.

Its a whole new beginning and I've a list of stuffs to be accomplished for this coming new year.

I'll write more later...

Still enjoying the mood!

I got an iPod from Yen. Isn't that great? I am exhilarated! Its such a suprise and its such a great pressie! My my my!

I love it. Its sleek. Its black. Multi-function.

iPod Video!!!

Yipppeee... happy birthday to me!

I wanna watch these movies :

Hwal (The Bow) - 2005
Bin-jip (3-Iron) - 2004
Samaria (Samaritan Girl) - 2004

I've seen Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring (2003) and I loved it!

I guess he is just trying to get on my nerves.

BUT I should not let anyone make me go down.

I've been trying hard to stay up up up and he is not gonna get me down. I am not going to be unhappy because some asshole just wanna screw up my day.

Heheheh. Hardly I do use harsh words, mostly only for internal talking within me.

But who cares!

Sigh, but truly, I've lost the drive for work.

I need to get it back.
And I will soon.

I don't wanna turn myself into a little devil and not likable to all anymore...

I got 2 books from Borders last night :)

1) To Kill A Mockingbird



Author : Nelle Harper Lee
Written : 1962

Wow, did a search on google to read some reviews and found this cool site,
To Kill A Mockingbird - A Student Survival Guide
- Here one can find the explanation of the difficult words that Harper use in her book.

Also, read this review.

2) Borges : Collected Fictions



Author : Jorge Luis Borges
Written : 1935 - 1983

Highly recommended by a friend, Mark.


I'll post my thoughts after finishing these books.

Happy reading!

Mood swings again! I've change my URL yet again!!!

2 entries found for quaint.
quaint ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kwnt)
adj. quaint·er, quaint·est
- Charmingly odd, especially in an old-fashioned way: “Sarah Orne Jewett... was dismissed by one critic as merely a New England old maid who wrote quaint, plotless sketches of late 19th-century coastal Maine” (James McManus).
- Unfamiliar or unusual in character; strange: quaint dialect words. See Synonyms at strange.
- Cleverly made; artful.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Middle English, clever, cunning, peculiar, from Old French queinte, cointe, from Latin cognitus, past participle of cognscere, to learn. See cognition.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
quaintly adv.
quaintness n.

quaint

adj 1: strange in an interesting or pleasing way; "quaint dialect words"; "quaint streets of New Orleans, that most foreign of American cities" 2: very strange or unusual; odd or even incongruous in character or appearance; "the head terminating in the quaint duck bill which gives the animal its vernacular name"- Bill Beatty; "came forth a quaint and fearful sight"- Sir Walter Scott; "a quaint sense of humor" 3: attractively old-fashioned (but not necessarily authentic); "houses with quaint thatched roofs"; "a vaulted roof supporting old-time chimney pots" [syn: old-time, olde worlde]

I am back as Ms Teh. For I am still Ms Teh.

I feel its more me than ever. Even though I love Nam but I am still Ms Teh.

So, I am going thru the changing of my blog nick and space name again.

3rd time this week! ** Grinning

Today I am feeling fine, looking little bohemia eventhough I am not! Pulled out a black top this morning, took off my necklace, put on dangling earings, jeans (was contemplating between jeans or real bohemia long skirt) and a black stilts.

Been wanting to work hard like a dog today (Nam is a bad example of a doggie, because he is super duper lazy) and I did! Till now... I can't resist to pen a couple of thoughts down.

Its weekend! We are going to have a bbq party for Ms YS's birthday. Its going to be fun fun fun. Was supposed to be a small private party, containing only 10 people but we couldn't resist inviting this friend and that friend and now its almost a party of >20!!! Phew!

But yummy yummy yummy, my stomach is already rumbling!

Little creature is coming down this evening with her beau. For Quidam. We'll have dinner tonight.

Sunday, I wanna just sleep sleep sleep and be a lazy Ms Teh.

Will I resist?

** She tries to take a picture of her bohemic self but...

Just heard from a friend. He is devastated that 2 of his best friends killed themselves last weekend.

Wow, it pained me so much to receive such news even though I do not know who are the two people but they must have been in a real hellish state that the only way they could seek out is to take their own lives.

There is so much suffering in the world!

But one thing we have to realise (this I read just this morning), that problems and suffering are two separate thingy. When we have problems, doesnt necessarily means we have to suffer. Nevertheless, the separation line is rather thin and more often than not, we tends to be sucked into the realm of own sufferings whenever we encounter problems.

But the book says that suffering is in fact our own inability to overcome the problem. It is not the problem itself but our lack of believe in our own ability.

When we are confident that we can overcome a problem, we call that challenges instead :)

Coming back to the point of conversation, I do feel bad in a way now. Because when my friend was telling me, I kept emphasizing that we should always extend our hands out to people whom we think might need us. My intention is not to make him feel guilty but I truly believe every happenings, we must learn something from it, after all the tears and pains.

Because all this news brought me back to the time when one of my good friend killed himself. In fact all of us knew he has deep deep depression and had attempted suicide before, no one spoke to him and held out to him because its a taboo to talk about dying. We were talking a lot among ourselves but everyone was telling each other, let's not bring it up to him, let's act as if nothing is wrong. But something was clearly wrong and a month later, he hung himself.

Often, I wondered, perhaps I could have made a difference if I had went ahead to sit with him, to listen, to talk, to keep him company, to show him that life has more than the gloomy world he's been drowning in... perhaps perhaps perhaps.

Nevertheless, I've made my vow that I'll never hold back my act of compassion in future, I will give my best care to all and especially more to those that I think needs it.

A couple of years afterthat, someone very close to me attempted suicide. It was indeed heart wrenching. But we were very fortunate that we managed to overcome the whole ordeal together and today's she's a much much stronger person and also dedicated to help others.

So you see, compassion will snowball somehow... keep passing it on...

My prayers to the 2 good friends of my dear friend.

Seen this somewhere before but it still tickles... :-)

English... 5-year plan.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-th year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

This morning I felt so down. I had a sleepless night and was in the office by 9am. Went for breakfast with the team, little noodle ate, few words exchanged. Mr S called me shortly afterthat for coffee. Little chats here and there. Spoke a lengthy call with Ms P though.

During lunch, I had to go home to pay the nice lady who helps to clean my place.

As I walked home, the sun was shinning so brightly that its impossible to stay in my dark dark gloomy world. The world just shone before my very eyes. The sun is indeed therapuetical.

Gave her daughters my old handbags and some dresses that I have out grown of. She's so delighted! And that brings a smile to me face.

Read the papers as I rested waiting for her in my room.
It just struck me hard - I should NOT be in the glum when the sun is shining, I have a good job and safe from any natural disasters. More than 30 000 people believed to have suffered and perished from the 7.6-magnitude earthquake in Pakistan last Saturday.

Man, it just struck me out of my daziness. What a duh I've been!

I wish I can do more for those people in Pakistan. Meantime, I'll send my prayers to them - for those who perished to be enlighten, and for those who survived, to have the strength to move on.

Nam myoho renge kyo.

Its amazing how couple of hours ago, I was so lowdown, feeling as though the world is crumbling upon me. And next moment, I see the world and the vast beauty it holds around me.

** A quiet smile forms.

I am disfunctional today.

(Now I can pen my inner thoughts for I have changed my weblink and I guess I am as annonymous as I can be)

101 things crossed my mind yesterday. And it dawned to me that there could be a twist, more than I have expected.

It just came to my mind that he may have heard something unsightly and cancelled his trip because of anger, dissapointment etc? Last thursday, we were still conversing normally.

Suddenly he is avoiding me completely. And the pang of pain felt is almost unbearable.

Unbearable not to know what the real reasons are.

Once of the rare occasions where I didn't sleep a blink, was up and about by 7am. Chanted for an hour to calm my nerves. Yet, the wait is almost unbearable.

I can't help but think that maybe someone split some bad milk on me.

I am so scared of the world now. It is so dark and unknown to me.

I am shaking all over inside me.

Tears are all clogged up, not a single drop is shedded.

I am torn all apart inside, pieces only held on by a weave of thin string.

** Pain in her eyes as she stares into emptiness.

I am so empty with emotion now. Just pure emptiness.

I had a great weekend nevertheless, except for the nagging bits in the back of my subconciousness mind which I tried but can't help to avoid.

Spent the weekend in Phuket with Ms YN, Ms P and Ms SM. It was indeed great, well spent weekend. We left on Friday evening, arrived there just in time for dinner. Did a bit of pub crawling and retired for the night.

Next day, the girls wanted to do the bungee jump except me as I was having a throbbing migraine (truthfully I was scared out of my wits but after watching them, I wished that I could do it and have some good laughs!) Thereafter we went for Thai massage and then a very light dinner.

Went to Patong to catch a couple of drinks and ended up having a nice time playing games and boobies :)

Sunday was well spent, soaking myself under the fabulous sun and occasionally dipping into the great waves of salt water. I am red all over now.

Admist all these, I never stopped to wonder, has he arrived? Is he doing ok? Entertaining himself? I think I called hundreds of times. Sent messages.

But all to no avail.

Till today, I never stopped hoping, wondering, visualising the moment which we will meet.

Till the moment, Mr Ar innocently mentioned that he was there. My heart dropped a million miles beneath sea level, my hands shooked and I turned pale. Reality sets in. I was the joke. And the feeling was immensedly dissapointing.

A foolish girl I have been.

And at that moment, something died within me without me understanding.

Nor that I wished to know more.

But I look for the next sunrise.

** She stares far and away, emptiness in the eyes.

See! I've changed my blog outlook again. I am still searching for my identity.

Too much thoughts passing thru my mind whenever I wanted to write. For first, me and my big mouth proudly informed a couple of friends about my blogspace. So there's a kind of apprehensive feelings within me to write from yours truly. Cuz then perhaps my friends might know the other side of me, or might laugh at me for being silly, or...

Well, these thoughts are pretty normal I guess. On a day-to-day, one tends to only show the facade of oneself, shielding the innerself. Defense? I guess that is just being human.

I always remind myself, pinch myself to remain yours truly, to be me, myself, Ms Teh.

!!Couple of things been happening!!

I am still on pills :-) - for flu, thyroid, sorethroat, me-poor-kidneys.

What I really want for Christmas, is being ALL WELL!

And that is of utmost importance. So I've resolute to stop drinking (well, still trying!), have good sleep, exercise regularly, healthy food, drink lotsa water.

The pills are kind of muddling up my head. Puts me in a daze. Eventhough I am still functioning, but that really need lots of efforts and concentrations. Too exhausting!

Good things? I've got a new 3G phone so I can make some video calls and make funny faces to me friends. Also, off to Phuket for a girly weekend. (Yippee!!!)

Also, I've started a thread on PatchWorkCowen forum about Optimism and had been having many comments, inputs, thoughts, debates from people all over. Which is indeed interesting. I'll probably put up the whole thread here once we have closed on that topic.

The Patchwork Coven is a discussion group devoted towards religious tolerance and understanding. In today's press, religions are all too often used as adjectives to violence. Many of these imposed definitions rise out of the ignorance or misunderstandings that one religious group has for another group's basic beliefs. The PC strives to end this division between religions and philosophies by encouraging active dialogue on current events, ideas, or even basic dogmas. Since it is generally agreed upon that open dialogue cannot take place in a restrictive environment, therefore the PC is an unmoderated discussion group.

Also, attended a talk by Prof Amitav Archaya last Friday. The topic was about "Peace and Security in a Globalised World". Very interesting insights gained. I'll share more about this talk some other day.

Other than that, I spent my whole weekend revamping my bedroom - identifying myself with my bedroom :-) I love it now!

** Grinning.

It just reminds me of the song "One night in Beijing".

Actually I spent more than a night in Beijing. Was there the whole of last week for a conference. My dad came along with me too. Its his first visit to Beijing. I think (and really hope) he enjoyed the trip!

I managed to make a quick undecisive decision last Saturday, grabbed my brand new 350D from Comex and made it for the trip.

So, my dad was my first model. Took almost 300++ pictures of him! :)

I want to learn to capture the moments of a person's expression. There was a few good "lucky" shots from my trip. I'll post it up in my picture blog real soon.(eyesofcosmosbuddha.blogspot.com)

No inspirations to write lately. I guess the crazy workload had me rushing through my hours :(

But I've been motivated to a different path lately. I've been motivated and firmly believe that I have loads of potential within me (as anyone else!). And I will and want to develop myself further.

To nurture myself with the qualities needed to make a CEO ;)

Big fat dream? I don't think so. I think its an exciting challenge.

In some ways, my ideals has changed. But I still do want to become an ambassador for the UN or even to be the president ** chuckled! Nevertheless, I need to instill the business senses in me, know the economic impacts, historical tales - basically widen my view. For now, my view has been a bird's eye view of completing my job tasks, self development (facials, manicures, shopping, holidays - little luxuries in life!), family, friends, birthdays, weddings, etc. I would say for now my life revolves around my very own globe.

I want to do great things in this lifetime. I want to make a significant impact that will help humanity. And also the world.

I mean I do read books, daily papers but that's mostly for info sake. I want to bring myself to another level.

I want to start my MBA next year (but no money! :( I'll figure something out)

Also, another reflection. I went shopping at the silk market in Beijing. Well, well, I would say I didnt enjoy the post-shopping internal-effects.

Good news!!! Mr J & Ms S gonna have a baby soon! They are really excited about it. When I got the news, I was indeed exhilarated!

I love babies. They depict purity, clarity, and innocence. There's always a big bang of emotions within me when I see one. It pleases me with just watching them smile for I know the rare real smiles.

True emotions. Unmixed. No doubts. So untouched.

I could still remember the first newborn I held in my arms. She was just in this big big world 20 minutes before I held her. It was in year 2001. Her name is Chloe, Jo's darling girl. I just so stunned for the 5 minutes that I held her. So soft, so pure, so fragile. And I quickly handed her back to the nurse, I wanted to make sure she's safe.

Also, I've made up my mind to get the Panasonic FX9. I'll get it tomorrow. Its really cool and after reading the reviews, I really believe in the camera and can't wait to get it. I'll take some nice pictures and share them here :)

Otherwise, my mind is still super hyper, trying very hard to have good concentration on things... need real real efforts!!! Even to get a good night sleep!

Trying to phantom my current emotions. And I think I am really feeling lost. Where my passions gone? Except for the excitement of the new camera, new baby and nam, I do not look forward to anything else :(

I think my work stresses is getting into me. I'll work hard tomorrow to clean up my tasks at work, then I'll do some reorganisation of my thoughts.

Till then.

"Happiness lies in the joy of others"

"After a long long time..." I thought its a part of lyrics of some songs... but yet I can't figure it out which.

Anyway, its been a long time since I last wrote. I have no inspirations. I have not some quiet moments. I have only feeling of rushness, actually not much feelings at all because the past weeks have been crazy and I can't feel the very minute of it.

I hate to have this kind of feelings you know. Like at this particular moment, I just felt my life of past 2 weeks was just washed down through a path in a heavy storm... Didn't get to feel the morning sun shinning down my black hair, hearing the birds chirping away...

Mornings of these couple of days, I was just clacking away in my heels to hail a quick impatient taxi - and unknowingly, I would sigh of relieved that I've got onto a cabby who's driving is as the madness of my emotions. Rush rush rush... quick quick quick...

In fact I was in HK last whole week but it did not left me with much impressions except for lotsa points to follow up jotted in my notes.

This moment, I was just going to put a DOT - a fullstop. From this moment, again, I hope I'll remember to savour every moment, like how one savour the delicate dishes of a french cuisine. Bon!

Ah yes, I bought 2 books at the airport again :
- Sokudo (The hot new puzzle craze)
- Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Be back soon!

Thyroid - I don't really know much about it except that it causes the glands at our neck area to swell a little.

This morning, I have just had my health review and I am suspected to have thyroid.

So I did a little reading... and this is one of the interesting article I found :

Left-Handedness and Ambidexterity
Left-handedness tends to be more common among men than women, while autoimmune thyroid disease tends to happen more in women. Thus if you try to find out the frequency of any degree of left-handedness among thyroid patients the answer you get depends on whether you ask men or women with thyroid trouble about hand preference.

In an informal research survey, Doctors Lawrence Wood and David Cooper asked 74 men with Graves' or Hashimoto's disease about this and found that 12 were pure left handers, 40 ambidextrous, and only 22 pure right handers. Thus, 70 percent of these men had some degree of left-handedness. In contrast, among 24 individuals with other types of thyroid problems such, as benign and cancerous nodules, only two were left-handed and four ambidextrous for a total of 25%; 75% being right-handed.

So if you or someone in your family are completely or partially left-handed, this may be a clue that there is also a tendency to autoimmune problems including Graves' and Hashimoto's diseases on that side of the family.

I am a lefty, so does it mean I have higher tendency?

Sounds a little scary isn't it. I'll have to see another doctor this afternoon.

But I'll be oke, just a little discomfort perhaps... please bear with me oke?!

** She lets a little quiet sigh...

Got this from a pamplet I picked up at e CuRVe! I thought it was funny and entertaining!

10 Reasons Why We Love MaLaYSia!!!

1 - Night Life in Malaysia is extraordinary - almost everything you can do during the day time, you can do it at night too! Malaysia Boleh!!!

2 - If you are hungry and there is no cutlery, eating with your hands is acceptable here. *Hoorah*

3 - One of the cheapest places on Earth where you buy five pairs of shoes a month and still strut around in them as if there were from Prada.

4 - The variety of national costumes we have can certainly inspire any fashion designer.

5 - Its lovely how we take every opportunity to celebrate all festivals and celebrations. So muhibah!!!

6 - Feeling hungry at some ungodly hour? Pop by to a 24-hour mamak and get a roti canai or teh tarik.

7 - Old Colonial houses, an interesting signboard or a peeling shop house with 1940s typography or a big old tree in the middle of nowhere is just charming.

8 - Food such as kuih-muihs, nasi lemak, bak kut teh, roti canais - the list will just go on and on and on... *yummm*

9 - Its wonderful that we have so many public holidays. FYI: Selangor has the most holidays in the whole country!

10 - Who needs Greek myths when we have our own Cerita Lagendas abounding with curses, the supernatural and etc.

(Actually I wrote this sometime ago, wanted to send it to all my good friends but I think somehow I didn't really complete my write up. Anyway, here it goes... )

I really would like to share this insight that I gained, in fact that struck the cord in me when I was reading the book – One by One, The World Is Yours To Change, written by Daisaku Ikeda.

Particularly this sentence quoted by Dr. Seligman – Optimism is hope. It is not the absence of suffering. It is not always being happy and fulfilled. It is the conviction that though one may fail or have a painful experience somewhere, sometime, one can take action to change things.

I should give an introduction about Dr. Seligman.

Martin Seligman (1942 - ), US – is known for pioneering work in the promotion of “positive psychology” including the study of positive emotion, positive character traits and positive institutions.

He is a Fox Leadership Professor of Psychology in the Departments of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and a best-selling author of optimism and the creation of happiness. He was president of the American Psychological Association for 1996.

I could have just copied the entire chapter to share but I would like to share it with a gist of my personal view as well.

I believe how we can contribute to humanity and the most powerful tool we can share and teach another person is how to be happy. Not making happiness for others.

Its like the analogy that often been quoted, teaching one to fish instead of fishing for others.

It has always been my passion to do – to teach another the secret to be happy. My contribution to humanity.

But I have not been able to grasp the whole concept within myself and put them in words.

From this article, it struck me. Perfect in its words.

“Psychological revolution”. In Gakkai, we called it “Human Revolution”.

It is indeed important to have awareness, realization within ourselves. Often, the unconscious dialogue we conduct within ourselves when we face obstacles , since we do not notice it, becomes habitual.

Dr. Seligman suggested that to be aware of our inner-thoughts, one way is that to write down what we are thinking to ourselves when we are in a situation. Put in positive words for ourselves.

We should practice optimistic thinking, inscribing optimistic phrases in our minds.

For me, I believe, apart from writing (I still do write diaries!), our practise is a method to engrain positive habits of mind. Once we have acquired the skill of being optimistic, we never lose it.

** She sits back and smile. Its a wonderful day today, isn't it? Tell it to her if it isn't.

I am in a good mood! :)

Work does give me a kind of satisfaction afterall. I love my job. Isn't that great!

Was pretty stressed up last week due to a very tight schedule and it was also a new experimental project. But on this Tuesday, we proved it works! :) YahOoo!

Also, today I've realised that there is actually people reading my blog. And giving nice comments which is very very encouraging.

I've not been writing much lately. Wasn't really sure if my blog is heading the way I would like it to. But having some people reading it (perhaps only a few) is a good start and hopefully we'll be able to have a two-way sharings where we can learn from each other via this blog.

No one is exactly perfect, but I count myself lucky to have a very positive outlook on things in life and I would like to share this with people. I have read this somewhere that being positive is not a born with feature ;) It's like a habit. We can nurture ourselves to be this way. Thus we'll all be happier people. And thus we'll achieve our objectives for a peaceful world.

But of course, I do go thru from what I call the winter seasons (depressive modes). Most important is how we stand up again after we fall again and again. That's life!

I'll run the excerpt from the book I read shortly. It'll be good to know that we are in control of our lives.

Live life to the fullest! Definately!

I was just thinking so much today about how I would like to structure my blog properly. You know like what kinds of things that I would like to write about - to have sense of identity. Else it'll just be thrash reading.

I would like to categorise my blogs in fact, e.g. :

- daily thotz : things that happen day to day
- humanism : my thoughts and work (in progress) for humanity
- photography : elaboration of my work to remember my feelings and emotion at the particular moment the picture was captured
- philosophy : sharings of ideas that help me to develop myself into a stronger person
- book review : (straight forward, ain't it?)
- past memories : stories about my growing years
- NaM : (I share this blog space with best dog, NaM) Woof!
- misc : some wild ideas or encounters that do not fall into any of the other categories

But how? I am not yet an html expert and there is no such tool in blogger :(

Shud I categorise it in the title itself? E.g.

Bookz : The Republic

Mmm...

Pppfff I am on the verge of exploding!

Emotional turmoil he! I really wish I can do something where I can help others where it creates more value in life. Rather than for business purposes.

My greatest dream is to be a true humanist, working for UN and making a big difference to people of the world.

But well, for now reality sucks! Its about survival for now. I'll give myself another 5 years. Meantime, I'll polish myself in character and innerself to be a pose, calm, objective and strong person. Also, a cheerful and happy person that can shine lights into others life!

At least now I learn to grit my teeth hard in conflicts, controlling my anger and be objective. Let the other party blow... aheheh!

That's a characteristic which I believe we can learn and nurture in ourselves. Be level-headed. But sometimes I do have bad temperaments - and during these moments, I know better to go home and hid in my room. Calm myself and do something that makes meself happy.

Updates:

Anyway, its good again now. I think I am beginning to get a hang of it. You know, supressing my emotional part, think rationally, and doing a good explanation so that people understand my point. There is definately no bad intentions. At least from within me. I certainly try my best in everything, even if this may not be my passion ;)

Things I learnt today: Control anger, things will get the better of us.

The caption certainly reflects my mood this night.

Well, we human really fluctuates within the ten worlds. One moment we are estatic, next moment, feels like every wall of our life crumbles :(

Each night I take the same path, walking home from the subway station. But tonight, everything on my path looks ugly to me. Just because I've just had a bad day... or should I just say some bad moments (because its not exactly the whole day that was bad!), the views that my eyes read are different!

Even the trees by my home looks evil. Yikes!

Anyway, after a good dinner, some tv watching (hardly my kind of activity, but for today its good to divert my mind)... well, well, well, all is well again!

Human emotions he. Can we ever control it?

I think I am a very emotional person. A person who feels too much. But I hardly shows it. Its all beneath the facade of me. I can't be in the corporate world, being business-like, emotionless and having nothin affecting me. I can't. Every word, gesture of people means a lot to me. Like today, it was due to some miscommunication that a colleague went BAZoOo with me. I did nothing wrong actually. After her outburst, I wasn't angry with her, but I just felt so bad that I had in some ways ruined her day, made her angry. It just made me feel real bad.

Happiness to me means giving joy to others.

Anyway, with some very patient and sincere explanation (some apologies on behalf of nature that she's had accidental angry moments - not ignited on purpose), she cooled down and also said sorry to me for her outburst :)

So its bedtime now. I am going to Lala-land :) My world where the SMURFs' tune sings at the background...

I still owe the sharings about my watching Oprah last night.

** She closes her eyes and slipped into Lala-land whilst NaM is already sound asleep beside her

Yesterday was beautiful day - at least for the first 2 hours after I opened my eyes from my deep deep sleep :)

Since the sun was shining, and with my so-called determination to exercise (I felt guilty putting it off again and again), I took NaM for a run by the river. Only did 2.5km though ** grinning sheepishly.

The river was exceptionally beautiful - the color was black (or perhaps dark green?) and I could see schools of fishes swimming around with joy. Really! (Of course, there were plastics bags here and there bobbing around, but I them as imaginery jelly fishes in the rivers!!! Ahehe)

There was a man in the river. Water was up to his waist, and he was fishing! Hardly a scene that we can catch anymore these days in a metropolitan city.

Well, well, after the said beautiful day, the sun left and down came the heavy rain!

4 things I wanted to accomplish on Sunday:
- laundry
- bath NaM
(I hate the water, but love the scrubbing on my back... mmm woof!)
- organise my wardrobe
- organise my shoes (a whole collection!)

Managed to complete the first 3 tasks. You see, I try to be a organised person. Truth is I need to specify my objectives else I'll feel lost and empty or too messed up. So I have my life's objectives, 5 years plan, annual resolutions, monthly targets, weekly objectives and also daily plans :)

The evening was wonderful. Yeni cooked dinner - ribeye steak with sour cream & bacon stuffed boiled potato and vegatables. Also with a bottle of red wine (1999).

Manage to watch the Oprah show and it was really good! I'll share about it more tonight.

feeling like small caps - being chic. if u know what i mean. gone were the days of capital letters, nor 's', nor proper spellings. its cool - e way v write thez stuffz...

aheha (in person, i actually could do a good replication of this laugher - ahehehahe)

Anyway, those are not what I wanted to blog today. It was about the bus ride. And how I wish that I could blog as I think because now I have to recap what I had thought this morning during the bus ride. And it seemed whole lot more interesting then ;P (I should check out the mobile blogging thingy!!!)

First, I started thinking about what if one would know that I had in fact missed my "7mins" bus and took instead the "14mins" bus, one would have said, what a waste of time! This bus took me round to River Valley, ChinaTown and to my destination!

However, I did enjoyed the quiet "14mins" I had this morning, drowning myself in my headphones, feeling invisible to the world, fascinated by the morning madness. At least, beneath everything, I found beauty! It brings a quiet smile to my face.

Well, well, first I staggered onto the bus (blame it on the heels!) - very unladylike (as usual!). There was a couple sitting across me, laughing, smiling, sharing a magazine. Touching each other's hand lovingly every now and then. Ah, LOVE!

People keep getting on and off the bus. I wonder where do they head to, what do they do, what do they think. You know, its impossible to find 2 people who is gonaa do the same thing at the same moment. Or even at least have the same thought. People busy opening their shops, getting ready for the day's business.

A lady running after the bus, waving undecidedly (I would have done the same I suppose) but the bus driver didn't stop for her eventhough the next minute, our bus was stuck at the red lights. Well, he could have stopped for her!

And 101 things was on my mind, all the time, every moment. I wanna do this, I wanna do that. Phew! But I knew today, I wanna start blogging.

At least there is a space where I can keep these thoughts. You know, I do not have a proper filling system in my mind, so its in a big mess. Perhaps a blogging habit will be like downloading emails into an archives, so that my mailbox has more space... TO THINK MORE! Oh nooo...

(I do still pen my thoughts in a diary - do not laugh! I do that since I was 12 years old. I still carry a notebook aka diary everywhere I go now. My collection of diaries has grown to a few boxes and my ma is threatening to clean them up. Is there anyway I can "e" them? I meant, digitize them. Ahehehe!)

But what a great morning! ** A quiet smile formed on her lips as she sat through the bumpy ride.

Yippee!

So finally I've made up my mind with a url address that I thought is not so lame - can't be lame as its my name. Gee!

Was thinking to myself this morning, its a weird timing to start my blog. If only I could have, I would have love to blog my mind out since day one of my birth! :)

Well, but that's impossible. And so I have to make up now for the past 26 years un-blogged!

And before even I could get started, there was this big internal war about the url, about the title of my blog, even about how should I be writing it - in proper English, or in Singlish or the new chic "SMS"-lish :)

Brilliant!

However, being a perfectionist I am, I'll try to do my best in my most puuurrrfect English!

Here we go!