my quaint world

What was in 2006?

.I travelled quite much this year, mostly for work. Switzerland. Bangladesh. Bali. Phuket. Sri Lanka. Amsterdam. London. Monaco. Nice. Cannes. Rome. Portugal. Madrid. Cologne.

.First ski experience on real (black) slopes. Fell. Twisted knees. Bah!

.Arrival of my god-daughter. Kaitlyn.

.I packed up and left Singapore. To Brussels. Vilvoorde.

.I got a new job. Sales.

.I miss you so. Pei Sze. H3lly.

.I ate horse meat uurrgghh... :S

.My new house is completed.

Err, I guess, not much was done yet a lot was done. Basically, looking back, the past 9 months has been a breeze.

** Wanted to write more but I couldnt find the time... so here I post a half-done review.

Just pondering about 2006. What did I do this year? These days, I feel, the years are getting by quicker and quicker. Mmmh... Can we stop the time?

I still remember the days of my childhood, it seems to take ages to grow up, to be independent, to be free of curfew, doing as I like, going out etc... it just seems like a drag. Weeks passing by so slowly. I am forever looking forward to the weekends, lookin to my 16, 18, 21...

But now, I wish the time could slow down. I wish I can still be as carefree as before. Just about eating, going out, studying, exams, parties, chatting all night long. Though now I try my best to live life freely but its a fact and always naggin behind my mind, I need to be serious, stay healthy, work, bills to pay. Sigh.

Oh yea, I was just talking to some colleagues yesterday about few other people who took retirement. And in Belgium, when one retires, he/she continues to receive 80% of his salary from the Government till the day he/she dies. This is a good pension scheme for when we are at our 50s, very probable that the houses are paid for, kids are grown and the money is timely for life enjoyment, doing whatever we want then. Dining, travelling, volunteering etc. Then I thought to myself, when will be my turn... 25 years perhaps. Mmm, doesn't seems so long he. Life is short! I am half way thru... yikes :)

Anyway, last night we decided to be carefree - went to a friend's house, another friend joined, got good news that he is gonna be a papa, popped champagne to celebrate, ate anchovies, meatball, satay (european style), chips chips chips, played card games, 1 bottle Dominican Rum, 1 bottle Russian Vodka, 1 bottle Gin. 3 very drunk men. Till 4am! Phew, I thought I never can do this anymore.

Lucky, I woke up this morning, refreshed, no hangover and ready to take the world again ;) It was fun, fun, fun!!!

Yippee, got a pair of tickets from eBay last evening (best buy again!), so packed our bags this morning and we'll be counting down to the new year with my sister and some friends in London.

Happy New Year!!! I sincerely hope for all our 2007 to be filled with all the love, health, happiness that life has to offer. Kisses!

Cologne is situated on the river Rhein in North Rhine-Westphalia and is the fourth largest city in Germany after Berlin, Hamburg and Munich with around 1,000,000 inhabitants. It is one of the oldest cities in Germany, having been founded by the Romans in A.D. 50. Today, it is one of the nation's media, tourism and business hotspots and is renowned as the country's gay capital.

So we went there during the long Christmas weekend. It was a smooth 2 hours drive away from Brussels in our new bus - Ford S-Max :)



The city's world famous Cologne Cathedral (Kölner Dom)


Another church around the corner.


In fact, I was intrigued by Cologne as I've heard in the past weeks that there in Cologne are the best and largest Christmas Markets. Also, as I was reading it up, then I realised that it is really where the 4711 cologne (after-shave) originated from. 4711 is my dad's ever favourite. It is an ever familiar smell.

The 4711 house is located in central Cologne on a street called Glockengasse. Eau De Cologne originated here, and eventually became the home of the famous perfume called 4711! The brand got its name from the house, Napoleon ordered his soldiers to count the houses and this was number 4711.

In fact, I read further and the story runs longer around the original owner who sold of the company but not his name, so the next owner rebranded it with the number of the house. Bla, bla, bla. I will not bore you here. If you are interested, just google it. (I AM becoming a google freak here)

Ok, and a faraway view of ONE of the VERY famous Christmas Markets. There are just 3 of my yummy favourite things found there :
- Gluhwein (hot wine)
- Curry Wurst (German Sausage)
- To-Die-For Mushroom Stew (Fresh button mushrooms cook in wine/ cognac/ porto - still googling for the recipe)


Lastly, it is also a fantastic shopping place. Lucky us, the day of our arrival was the start of the winter sale. I got a wool pullover from Massimo Dutti for 30 bucks. Muahaha, I always love best buys :)

Last week, we went to a concept restaurant for our teambuilding event. I thought it was such a refreshing idea, interesting and fun!

In addition to that, we had a cute young Thai chef and free-flow of wine. And of course, I would never say no to Asian cuisine.


Then we all got started, each picking up some task to do. I self appointed myself as the photographer of the day :)


You see, everyone was taking their task of cutting seriously.


Well, someone had to do the 'yucky' jobs.


When the cooking was almost done, they seated us and served us as if we were in a restaurant. The food was sooo delicious that I forgot to take any pictures of them.

You can check out the restaurant - Mmmmh!

For the first time since I arrived here, I tried to TT monies to my ma in Malaysia. Some urgent monies needed for the renovation of our new house.

So I did a quick research and thought I was just so lucky that my bank, KBC has just launched their tailored services for expats. They offer international transfer service. They claimed to be the best bank in Belgium.

Yea, but it was a shortlived joy.

2 weeks after I made the transfer, with every morning of calling to my ma, to my bank, to her bank... I received a lum sum of amount back to my account. I was shocked and then to realise that it was the money that I tried to send to my ma, but just a 100 euro lesser. Damnit!

Called my dear KBC. They told me they did all rights only, and the bank in Malaysia rejected the transfer pretending that my ma's account is nonexistence. And they charged a bloody almost RM300 for finding this out.

Well, well I was pissed for I think I have read and reread and recheck my bank slip and my ma's name and account number is absolutely correct.

Now what? And my bank say there is nothing they can do. Huh?

I was pissed. I felt deserted. Suddenly, I felt I understand why there are people who keeps their monies in an iron box beneath their beds. I lost trust in my bank. They do not protect my monies. They do not deliver a service promised.

A transfer service in my opinion is a service to ensure delivery till the end. It is not enough just to ensure what you did is correct but also to ensure that your partner is delivering the service on behalf correctly also. And that is the promise of a service to a customer.

Well, well :( So bloody dissapointed. 2 weeks of stresses. And what it cost is a bloody 100 euro.

And now, what I am doing? I take contact to the foreign bank myself to verify, to track the transaction.

And next? To close my dealings with my bank and to start afresh and anew with another.

That's the way it goes in life he. Another chapter.

This weekend, we have been cooking. I've been a really good cooking instructor. If you want the recipe, just ask ;)

Saturday's Menu
White Rice
Beef and Bellpepper in Black Bean Sauce
Stir-fry French Bean and Carrot Strips in Oyster Sauce

Sunday's Menu
Garlic Fried Rice
Ayam Temperah
Stir-fry Cucumber in Garlic
A-B-C Soup

Monday's Menu
Chicken & Mushroom Bee Hoon Soup (from yesterday's left over soup)


Yummy!

The entire city is lit up with Christmas decors which emits a grand festive ambience. I took a lone walk last Friday evening, just before the night fall, down to the Grand Place. They've put up a gigantic bluish Christmas tree in the middle of the square.


And the Christmas market, stalls lining up a long way, with lovely twinkling little lights and heaps of tourist strolling along.


And I accidentally made an art piece - compact camera with shaky cold hands. Sometimes it does wonders.

Funny enough, every end of the year, I have this nostalgic feelings haunting me. Reminding of my passion and enthusiasm of what I write and vow to fulfill on every first day of the year.

Yes, the feelings haunt me because at the near of every new year, I was reminded that this is the year, yet again, swept past my feet, dreams forgotten, for I was in the entire year running after time.

Tonight I had a lovely dinner. Met Tania, was a ballet dancer, a dreamer and a lovely energy pot. Though she reminded me hard of my own dreams which I have yet to have the opportunity (or courage?) to fulfil.

For I am stuck in this race of time for money. Customers. Services. Invoices. Payments. Money. Business.

Is this what and how I want to live my life? Its only one lifetime we all have. I am aware of the principles of life, death and rebirth. Reincarnation. But only this lifetime, is the lifetime we are fully concious of.

And yes, thats important to be aware. To know. To think about. For every minute that pass by, is the one chance, single moment that we experience in this lifetime. For never another minute will be the same.

For I know, never another moment my ass will be that smooth baby ass that it once was. Or rather, it will not be in this conciousness that I will ever know.

Anyway, time to dream.

I love the world. I want to be a part of the big part. I want to teach the world to sing. But how?

Mmm... ** fingers tapping to a rythm that makes the mind drift away

Wassup wassup?

- I am still deaf to both French and Flemish.

Though my Flemish classes will start next week. And I am making trying efforts each night in self studying French without my table lamp, under the shadows :(

French to me is a singing language. Its a beautiful languauge with a lot of intonations.

- My house is cleaned and clean.

- Laundry is remaining as a constant pile.

- Went to gym once.

- Sleep, work, eat, beer. That's all I do.

Though I have a long list of things awaiting. Gotta start to write down my resolutions for 2007!

Perhaps this time I'll manage to get my ass to it. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.

Though I would say living in Belgium gives myself more personal time compared to the days I was in Singapore. Here I found that I had more time to think, to self reflect, to connect with my innerself.

Because everything moves fucking damn slow here and I live in the tiny faraway silent town of Vilvoorde. Hehehe.

I like the winter nights at home, though my feet is constantly numb due to the cold and I have to wrap myself up with a big blanket looking like a begger. I think I am quite a sight when my neighbours look in on me from the windows.

Err, I am going for local Ghent play this Friday night. I think I'll just gulp the beers and start to halucinate that I am indeed watching a pantomine.

Lately, many came to seek for my listening ear. I am being a good listener who listens without making judgements but also who listens with one's heart and ask questions that will lead the seekers to find one's answers. I try. I try.

Its common that we often start feeling rather unhappy about things, we put the blame on everything. Its the job. Its him. Its their attitude. Its her laziness. Its his stupidity. He didn't care. She was too selfish. They were taking for granted.

Little do we realise, are we really unhappy because of the less of another? Or put it another way, do we let ourselves be unhappy because of the weaknesses potrayed by another?

Or are we really unhappy because of our inability to change others to be what we envisioned or have expectation off?

Though, I know, it still pained our hearts.

But at many times, if we look at it cold heartedly, without much emotions, its all about choices. And many time, we let our emotions cloud our judgement of choices available for us. Choices are those that we can make to be in control of the situations.

But but but, how to really be in control of our situations?

I think one key to resolving issues which includes another person is dialogue. Talk! Talk with an open heart. Talk without boundaries. Talk without the what ifs. Talk without the expectation. Talk to seek the heart of another. Talk to understand the senses.

I read somewhere one on how to have effective dialogue. Instead of saying, 'if you do this, YOU make me feel...' but say, 'when you do this, I feel this way...'.

Its a different effect. One potrays more of a blame which will cause the other to be defensive. The latter will bring forth compassion from another.

We have to believe that deep in one another there is compassion. It may be laying dormant. It maybe be inactive. Its how we tap to it and to turn the situation around.

My friend sent me this site - Centre for Nonviolence Communication. This organisation was founded by a man who was lookin for answers to these questions, "What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?". He believes in that human beings enjoys giving and receiving in a compassionate manner and thru the right way of communication we are able to optimise this and thus, making living more wonderful for ourselves and others.

Read it to find out more. Though I think one need to pay for the training courses :S

Otherwise, you can follow me through my course of self discovery here. Muahaha.

Just listening to my sista's podcast, dedicated to dearest H3lly and it just bring tears to my eyes...

Last Goodbye To The One We Miss

Go listen! I have a eccentric sister. Delicate. Unique. Talented. Musical.

I wish I could have the last chance to speak, to laugh, to hold and to plant a kiss in your hair, H3lly.

Oh yea, my new car arrived 2 weeks ago and he is a real beauty!


Manual gears :( but it has a sixth gear though. Never tried it out yet (I am a very slow driver)

And yes, it was a nice day - look at the little picturesque reflection!


Beige leather interior.


And a built-in bluetooth hands free kit. Very cool! Detects my phone automatically. When a call comes in, it stops the music and I listen to phone calls via the speakers of my car. Even display my name everytime it detects my phone.


Hehe, maybe I am being very 'suaku' but hey, its my first car!

I love the fall. The fiery colours of the falling leaves everywhere lits up the entire city. I feel it gives a very soft dreamy feel everytime I stare out the window on the drive to work.

It just starts me daydreaming.



Its a pity the trees are almost empty now.

But that's the most lovely part of living thru seasons, the endless admiration of nature's beauty.

On Sunday night, we were invited to a real Belgian feast - Mussels, Fries and Beer.


Everyone keeps eating and drinking and eating and drinking... It was a free-flow mussels night.


And the mussels was really yummy. I can't have enough of it. I had 4 servings.

Burp... yes, am guilty!

I had one of the most lovely day ever.

I woke up early and was greeted by some very modern looking flowers.


Then I was seated at the dining for a nice breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice.


At noon, I went to the Kaikan to be officially bestowed as a SGI Belgium member. It was so very significant!


And my YWD leader gave me a cookie with a candle - to sing and make a wish. So sweet.


Then, Mr D swept me off to a mysterious place. In fact, it was planned for a rest and relax afternoon at the Dilbeek Therma - a sauna complex with jacuzzi, turkish bath, heated pool, sauna, verry hot sauna and sun seats. I was booked in for a suprise massage to start with.

Then lazed around the complex thereafter. In and out of sauna, pool, drinks at fireplace, feet dippin, sun bathing. But the best part was the super hot sauna and then the quick dip into ice cold water. It is a must try. Feels really really good.

Weird part of the place is that everyone has to be naked but nothing to fancy to see there. Mostly old people though. LOL.

Nevertheless, it was an experience to be entire day in my birthday suit on the very day.

In the evening, I was swept away to Suprise No 2 - cosy dinner at an old restaurant serving to-die-for lobster dish. Man, that was really good! Its a restaurant Mr D has been to since he was 4 for every special occassion with family.

Then we cosy up the rest of the night in front of the telly with me in my pink pj.


Mmm, I am lucky girl he. Happy Birthday to me :)

Ps : Sorry for those whose calls I missed. And thank you so much for remembering.

Guess, what I got me for ma birthday?

A very cool nepresso machine - Krups and the entire collection of coffee variety.



So, please drop by for coffee ok ;)

Well, I was thinking last night.

The hypothetical question is that why we are able to smile to the world at any time but its just so difficult to do that at home with the ones that meant the most?

Mmm, I'll keep this in mind.

I have been in the dump. I mean I can't get out of this resonance. Its up and down, up and down but still within the lower states of life.

For a second, I can be feeling sky high, and next, everything is shaking up inside me :(

Couple of nice things happened though. Old friends from very important chapters of my life called me, wrote to me. To be in touch. To see if I am doing ok. It is indeed nice to know that I was thought about. Time to time.

Also, last evening, I went for our monthly discussion meet. We had a good discussion about relationships - how to deal with people, ideas to communicate better, how to break through our small minds and look past our own selves, with true compassion for another.

Alan was looking really down at the beginning of the meeting. I remembered that he mentioned of battling arthritis and depression in the last meeting. So after the meeting as I was going around to kiss everyone goodbye, I shook his hands and said to him, be strong and good luck. Didn't know what to really say.

But he said the nicest words to me. That everytime he sees me, I am like a sun which lits up everything and he wishes to find someone like me in his lifetime.

It made me pondered quite a bit. While sitting in the meeting the entire night, I was wondering to myself about the smile on my face that was put on the moment I stepped into the room. It was a smile so wide no one could see thru me.

I was just wondering about whether is that an act of Dishonesty? Defensiveness? Concealing Weaknesses?

And today, it was answered in words my dear friend penned for me from miles across the globe. But those words shone thru my computer screen into my heart.

And those are the words that do not need a voice to speak it out to me, yet it brings tears just to read and understand the hearts that reacheds out for one another.

Its still not over. But yes, I am glad to know I am on the right path.

"A smile is not an effect, but a cause for generating happiness"

November 18, 2006

- Soka Gakkai Founding Day
- Official day that Ms Teh will become a SGI-Belgium member
- Birthday of Ms Teh

How significant it is! :)

Well, the title speaks for itself. Its really gloomy weather here. And I am feeling the blues.

Was thinking hard what to write about my trip. Nothing. I guess, I am just not in the mood therefore, there is no inspiration to write.

Works been too busy anyway.

Felt like looking for some solitudes, left my office alone during lunch, only to find myself drench in the stupid rain pour. Duh. So here I am back, sitting in the midst of all people, walking up and down, busying with the impertinance of life.

The smile has been missing for quite a while now. I need to get myself back on track.

Still missing you H3lly.

I am back from the hectic trip. Two weeks and it does feel like a long time.

Anyway, most importantly, I am back, all recharged fully to take the world again :)

Not so true actually, cuz the cold weather is eating me up quickly. Its so fucking cold!!!

Though the winter weather gives a warm cosy feel in the evenings, lazing on the couch with a hot mug of MILO.

I'll write more shortly once I sort out my baggages - instant noodles, dirty laundry, new clothes ;) My camera is somewhere in the mess.

I hope all has been well when I was away.

H3lly will be missed terribly though.

Friday @ Monty or Bala?

Hehehe... very typical of Ms Teh.

Indecisivenesssss!!!

Ok, BALACLAVA @ 6PM. See ya!

Ah, today I went to lunch with my colleagues outside of the office.

Very quaint cafe - Le Beau Soleil. I like it.

The owner who owns the cafe, make the sandwich, bring the drinks and give you the bill is a violin maker. Really! Home-handmade violins.

Err, all violins are handmade ah?

Anyway, I find this little cafe very very interesting. Full of character. Very quaint. My kind of world.

Half of the cafe is a violin workshop. So you sit by the work bench with the tools and half-made violins. The place is decorated with yellow painted walls, huge picture of sun on the ceiling. And many many old pictures of people with violins completed the wall. And a very huge toasted panini with ham and goat cheese completed my lunch :)

Atmosphere is very homey. Feel like I've been invited by my violin maker fren to his home.

The violin maker himself looks quaint too - twinkle in his eyes, warm smile, curly brown locks and a pair of 'beatles' glasses. And my colleague told me he has one-of-the-kind of humor (they were speaking french, I am still deaf to it).

This will be my new hiddin corner. Whenever.

Sometimes my mood fluctuate so unpredictable, on a moment of a second. Just caught me by suprise. And I had then to remind myself, to calm down. To be on earth again.

Does it takes so much effort to retain sanity?

Or is it just the hormones playing?

Nevertheless, I try not to let anything get me down today for I'll be on my way to Sg tomorrow :)

Today, for the first time ever, I worked so late - 9pm. Over here, people knock off at about 5. Or some even earlier. People go home to their families and lives. In fact, since living, I felt the day has 2 parts - work day and home day. You know there's hell lots of things that can be done when one knock off at 5pm.

Anyway, why I worked late? I am proud to say that I was working on a proposal. And I think I did it pretty nicely.

This is job satisfaction eh.

By the way, I forgot to mention that I closed my first deal. Not exactly a new customer, but it was an upgrade. And for a good price.

Now, I start to believe I can one day be a real sales.

But I promise, I'll learn to lie without a blink in the eye ;)

Sometimes I do doubt my own conscience.

Do we really feel happy for others when good things happen to them? Or do we just LOOK happy for them?

Or do we dictate our actions based on what we think should be correct, which could be miles aways from what our real conscience is?

Can we really be honestly happy for others?

Called Mr D just. He was having such a good time. All fun. All men in their undies swimming under the moonlight, in the warm waters of Sentosa. Drunk.

I guess it was really really fun. I wish I was there. (I love yummy sights! LOL)

But for a moment, I can hear it in my own voice. The bitterness.

I was shocked with myself. Managed to bite my tongue before it splurts to say something unsightly. Like go to bed - its late - you are not there for fun - nag nag nag. (Only women do that meh?)

Then I ask myself. Am I for real?

And I remembered those crazy nights I had during my own trips - most recently, the International Party at Madrid. Before entering the club, we had to put on a tag with the country of Origin. I was from Cuba ;)

Well, sometimes I can't deny there is also all the other feelings - envy, jelousy, possesiveness admist of love.

Its needs a constant effort in mind to keep a balance. We gotta be fair. Everyone needs Love. Fun. Joy. Achievements. Life.

I guess, in time to come, I will find the equibilium point where it holds the balance. And to be really happy for someone, and not only after an hour or so of brainstorming.

Having the awareness of my own conscienceness is a good thing though. At least I could think, ponder and be wise before any rash reactions.

In all conscience, I really wanna be happy for others! Especially my dear Mr D.

Oh yea, today I went out by myself :)

Almost didnt make it but I was glad I did. In fact, I was so busy at work that I cancelled the appointment at 5pm. Well, by 7pm, the entire office was empty and dark. So I decided to leave.

As I walked to the carpark, I thought to myself, why don't I give Kathy a call to see if she's still available? So I did and she was.

So I fixed up my GPS and drove by the ear (listening to instructions - Turn LEFT 100m ahead. Turn NOW. Bla bla bla)

Ehe, arrived to my destination but I didnt know where I should park. So I did in total 4 u-turns before deciding to park on a bend. Err, I know but I didnt get a ticket :S

We did together 1 hour of chanting. Very enlightening!

Then we read together a passage from a book. We just picked it randomly.

It was about PUNCTUALITY. What-a-coincidence! :S (Feeling wee-bit guilty)

Ms Teh is also Miss Late. This entire week I have been late to work. I'll keep that message in mind and try my very best from now on (cross ma fingers)

On my way back, my GPS took me for a joyride. It felt like I went halfway around Belgium. Was zig-zaggin in dark alleys. Then voila, I was on the highway. But 8km. 12km. 9.6km. 5km. WTF!

I was in Brussels. Only 15km from my home.

Stupid GPS or stupid user? :S

(Ok, I am trying to remember to do my situps everyday now!)

@ Singapore

Black Pepper Crab, Joo Chiat
Chicken Rice, Chicken Place
Char Kuey Teow, Zion Market
Half Boiled Eggs, Kiliney
Nasi Goreng Special, Shah Alam
Sliced Fish Noodle, Amoy
Prawn Noodle, Newton
Dim Sum, Lei Garden
Hokkien Mee, Atria
Sushi Tei, Paragon
Popcorns, The Cathay

@ Klang

My Mom's cooking!
Seafood, Klang Seafood
Steamed Assam Fish, Kim Sua (Golden Mountain)
Fishball Noodle, Sri Intan
Oor Mee (Hokkien Mee), Bangkali
Bah Kut Teh, Taman Rashna
Dried Bah Kut Teh, Meru
Assam Laksa, Melawis
Mee Hoon Kuey, Berkeley
Steamed Fish in Ginger, whatever-the-name (near Pin Hwa)
Mee Siam, Aunty's
Coffee, Toast and Curry Noodle, Cheong Ho's
Indomee, Mamak Netbugs
Nasi Lemak, Eng Ann
Durian Durian Durian (Is it the season yet?)

Food at my hometown is damn damn good!!! Anyone going to Klang, can always call me for directions. Anytime.

There is also always an option to take a 45 mins boat ride to Pulau Ketam (Crab Island) - a whole fishing village built on stilts. Fully equipped village with schools, cinema, snooker, karaoke, shopping, motels etc. And seafood there is also fabulous! (Ehe, sounds like I am doing some adverts for Klang)


Any tips for makan in HK? I'll be there the week after. I only know Dim Sum, Dim Sum and Dim Sum in HK.

Where? Where? Where?

Damn, I am like a little kiddo can't wait till the morning of Christmas to open all my BIG pressies :)

I am coming home to hot hot hot Singapore!!! (Its getting fucking cold here... brr)

Well, some say Bala sucks. Some say here. Some say there.

Non of cyber frens (if MsTeh ever has any!) gave any comments. So I don know if anyone will turn out to suprise me? Pssst.... I love suprises!

Anyway, Mr S has exclusive party venue. So there we will be.

Monty's @ Boat Quay. Code name MsTeh to MsJune.

Then afterthat we go St-James-Power-Station. Dunno where is that la. Anyone know if thats a cool place? Otherwise, we will cabut and go Zouk la.

So if you are looking for me, these 3 places are the clues for the hot night.

Anyway, where there's drinks, there's where the party.

If you are lost, call me!

Yo guys, next friday, up to drinks at Bala? ;) See ya there at 5!

I was in Rome on Monday evening. As the taxi drove me to my hotel, we passed the magnificent Colleseum. It was a beautiful sight in the night. The lightings gave a very warm yet glorified, mysterious yet historical, calm yet nostalgic feeling.

And the next morning, I was in for a very pleasant suprise. The sky! It was so blue. Blue without a single cloud in sight. So blue that the trees with their leaves and barks stood out. All the building and ruins are like pictures with the perfect backdrop.

Then, it strikes me. The world is beautiful!

I have been swimming and drowning in negativity last weeks. How silly!

But its amazing how one's mind is twirled and shrinked as negativity enfolds us.

And also I realised, I am not afraid to be alone. It was just how the negativity took my mind away and squeezed it thru a dark gloomy passage and gave endless of reasons to be miserable.

Anyway, trip to Rome was good. Reminded me again the pleaure of being with one self. Reminded me of my solo holiday trip to Rome in 2004. Reminded me of being me.

Lost it somehow in the midst of the cold grey gloomy weather.

But I will find it back.

The twinkle. The shine. The smile.

I can't sleep so continue to bla.

I think my last entry showed a very vulnerrable side of me. But what the heck, at least I am honest.

Life ain't always bright and shiny he. Sometimes, there are dark and rainy days.

Whats most important is to know that nothing but ourselves, and no one but me is responsible for my own happiness.

Buddhism emphasizes that everyone must take responsibility for his or her own happiness. But often we resist changes within ourselves yet try our best to change others. Buddhism teaches that there is nothing we can say or do to change another person. People will change only when they are ready. The only people we have the power to change are ourselves.

By weaving this understanding into the fabric of our lives, we can begin to rectify any source of unhappiness at its most fundamental level. We will see that our inner transformation has the unfathomable power to help ourselves and others in ways that no other actions or words ever could. We will come to understand that we must take care of our own needs and feelings ourselves while being mindful not to use or abuse others in the process. It may take time and effort but, in the end, we will prove to ourselves that not strategy is as powerful as one based on self-mastery - qouted from Tarogold's article

This is what I did today. To reflect, realise and admit that it is my fear of being alone that is what causing me unhappiness and I will challenge it.

I believe, to know that is power because in every turn of our lives, especially in the difficult ones, it is in our hands to bring a changement to our own lives.

And this is what I continue to remind myself each day.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

That's the only 2 words I could think of that depicts 2 very different state of life.

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Heaven is when I brave my own way to Holland yesterday to make a presentation to a customer. All by myself to the 150km of highways and 3 very attentive and curious listeners.

On the way back though, the GPS acted up and kept ejecting the CD. First it lead me into a town centre (diverted from the highway) and then it didnt work. So you can imagine how difficult is it to get outt of the maze of an unknown town centre at peak hour. Also, I think I put in the CD for 1000 times :S At the end, a journey of 2 hours took me 3.5 hours instead.

But still, I managed! Survived the ride and most importantly the presentation! And man, am I proud of my own guts. First long-distance driving experience in Europe and first commercial presentation la...

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Hell is the thing I can't explain why - being alone. Suddenly that thought itself freaks me out completely.

Past weeks has been filled with too much arguements and discussions with Mr D. I tried to figure out why is it so. Chanted. Read. Reflected. And finally I understood that it is of my own inability to be alone.

Somehow, it freaks me out. I know, I know, I should overcome it and I will but I guess, everything takes time. It just freaks me out to think that I would soon sit here alone day in day out on Friday evenings, Saturdays and Sundays (especially when all shops are close and I can't even shop to take my mind off). The nearest bar that I know from my place is for 30 mins drive. Restaurants? Err, 20 mins away. Cinema? Err, far. Familiar voices? Zero. Friends? Zero. Not even a dog that knows me. What would I do?

Do I live in a 'ulu' plaee? Err, yes, Vilvoorde... doesn't the name tells? :)

Besides, the weather is gloomy too. The days start getting shorter and shorter. It rains continously. Pitter patter pitter patter. And cold!

I am so tempted to just buy me ticket to go home. But money making ain't easy and I have to be wise.

Well, I had expected this phase before I choose to come here. And I know sometime soon, I will forget these feelings. But now is the most difficult part, thats to get over and done with it.

But I will survive this. I have always and I will.

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One strange thing is I can't help feeling sad that some just think that I am a lucky dude who seems to have it all and tries to stop me from getting more because they think it ain't fair. But how true is it about people judging others only on the facade. Knowing so little about a person, the inner sides and real values and yet judging so much. You know, I believe I could have done a lot.

Anyway, that's life. No one ain't got the hen which lays the golden egg everytime!

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Always stay correct. Always have a solid foundation. Alway have strong faith.

Winter never fails to turn into spring :)

There are plenty of voices in my head. Non-stop? Anyone has any ideas how to make these irritating voices stop talking?

Whats make it worst is that they are injecting negativities into my mind, constantly, 24 hours! Even while I am sleeping.

It makes me slightly paranoia. Slightly on the edge. Slightly in a bad mood. And without a smile :(

Well, I guess, its just part and parcle of phases in life.

Perhaps a trip home might do me good? ;) (No money la... sob sob sob)

Had a long chat with a good fren last night though. Couple of things he said, striked my mind. I guess, one thing for sure is, I need to take more initiatives in my own life here. I have been rather lazy and complacent, I guess. I need to put more concrete efforts in learning languages, in bridging and building bonds between people and not having a stereotyping mind. Be open, be happy, and spread it on!

Try the test! Its funny.

I failed miserably though. I know I know, I am asian but but but...

I can tell from the accents though :)

AllLookSame?

Just as I was feeling a wee bit low down, I had the most interesting flight ever.

Well, going out here is taking a slight toll on me due the barrier of the languages. For I am no longer the chirpy person who makes being silly, laughin the loudest laughter, makin funny faces and constantly trying to create entertainment yet forming bonds between human.

Here, I felt I am just an invisible soul. Lost in the languages, I let myself drift away under the sunshine, dreaming of land where there is only beauty and perfection.

Well, I felt a bit lost in the web of friendship, or so-called friends or friends because we hang out quite a bit or in my own correctness, friends that I can't connect. Front that I can't be the real Jaymy because of the barrier of communication. Language!

And I started to doubt myself. Well, have I grown inwards? Have I become passive? Have I turned into a boredom? Or am I just a smiling manequin? A chinese one, for say.

Just a painting of a face on the shell of an egg. (You know, we use to paint faces on egg shell, but does it represent what is in the egg?)

Nevertheless, just as the saying goes, winter never fail to turn into spring.

On my way to Lisbon today, 3 whole hours flight, where 2 hours was spent debating within myself to challenge myself to prove that I do not have a communication defiency. That I am normal. That I can talk to people. That I communicate. That I still connects.

Well, after 2 whole hours, and with a very interesting and curious musing girl beside me, I couldn't resist but to offer a piece of chocolate. That started a smile.

30 minutes later, I popped the usual 'standard' question, "Are you going for a holiday?" She answered. Then it was non-stop machine gun questionin, words, expressions, sharing, smiles, laughter and twinkles in the eyes. Yes, she has beautiful eyes. They talk silent words. She's a sorta theatre actress cum independent producer, passion for living, driven to bring smiles to people on the street, to strike them out of normadom. A person with a big 'YES' for life. A girl who is constantly writing her dossier, no matter where.

Then a book in the hands of another caught my eye. Titled "Buddha". Out of real curiousity, pathed the way through my doubts, my fears, my twisted tongue, I asked, "Why do you read this?". And again, it sparked off a connection that I can't explain. A bonding. A relation.

Beautiful person she is. Young, vibrant, happy with strong jest of life! And a looker. She was Miss Belgium 2005. In all the truest form, I think she represents very well the title. Apart from being almost a Julia Roberts with african/ india blood, its a full package she is. At least, that is one very good first impression I had.

And that's where I was. Inspired again. Ready to take the world. To spread the smile. To bring happiness wherever I am.

Also, I realised, that is the basis of me. That is the cause I proclaim. Happiness.

"Happiness is the joy in others!"

And no, no barrier there is for me. Only of a mind limitin the self. Be it for even with body language, I will speak out to the world.

Err, yes, we ate a horse steak on Friday night.

I had a colleague from Singapore who was in town. He asked to be brought to a real Belgium restaurant. Being a nice belgian, Mr D brought us all to a restaurant - Horse House Restaurant.

Apparently, this restaurant in Vilvoorde (small town where I live), specializes in lean, sweet horse steaks and has been popular for 4 decades. Have to queue to eat!

Its not the typical kind of horses - special breed called 'Belgium Draught Horse'. They are use in the fields normally. Very strong and hardworkers.

It was pretty good but err... I am not sure if I will eat it again.

Its all in the mind though.

As she drove herself with the unfamiliar vehicle all over at wrong sides of the roads, her heart was beating with pure anticipation. To meet with strangers whom yet she knows of those familiar warm hearts and glowing faces.

A drive so short, felt like miles away.

The joy felt on the rythm of the chanting, those voices which speaks words she do not yet understand are those same voices which she hears the unison of the hearts.

When I arrived, I was pretty nervous. Ain't sure where to park my big mama car. Managed to squeeze myself in a little corner, just enough not to block the garage of another. Took a peep thru my door just to see if I did give the car behind a bump. Lucky no. But a funny guy was laughing at my antics.

Then we found ourselves knocking on the same door.

I said, "Hello, am here for the meeting". He laughed even louder. In fact he was estatic. "Its our first meeting. You are standing here - our very first new member. How wonderful!"

And he didnt stop chuckling. Throughout the meeting. A buddha he is, bubbling, glowing, warm and happy. As everyone else there. Even little sweet Emily.

Well, indeed a great start to my journey for sake of kosenrufu in Europe.

Finally, this Saturday morning, I managed to get up earlier than usual, did the usual grocery shopping at the morning market and then rushed to the kaikan, near Midi Station in Brussels.

And there, it was the right Saturday because coincidentally they were having just the monthly Youth Meeting (every 2nd Sat of the month, 9am-12noon). I met the YWD Chief, Joelle and Vice Chief, Kazuko.

Also, got the contact for the district in Vilvoorde. My 1st discussion meeting will be this Wed. And its just 10 mins walk from my place :) Yay!

Also, also, the Vilvoorde district was just formed 2 weeks ago, consist of only 4 people. I will be the 5th... small he... but something always starts from nothing.

That's what I call the right timing!!!

I am excited! Also very much looking forward as one of my goals is to do kosenrufu in Europe!

Friday night, had a lovely dinner at 'Kuala Lumpur', a Malaysian restaurant in Antwerp with a group of Singaporean girls. We found each other thru the expat site. Sound desperate me? Hehe. But they are cool girls and in fact we had a great conversation going on that night.

Ms Monica - Freelance TV producer
Ms Jenna - Au pair for 4 terrors ;)
Ms Jai - new mommy n aspiring nurse

And grreeat food! So yummy especially the satay with peanut sauce :)

Well, well, this is what I have to do - building a new social circle. I made the decision to come living here, so I will not sulk around at home, complaining of boredom.

Happiness in oneself is everyone's own responsibility.

Ciao, enjoy ya sunny weekend!

I think living in Singapore for the past 10 years had turned me into quite a city girl. Or was I always one? :)

My little garden was in a mess, so I started picking out the weeds. With rubber gloves. *blush*

I can't help. In my imagination, there are bugs, worms, leeches, spiders all ready to jump on me!

But I only got stung by the "stingin nettle". And its a plant. *grin*

Anyway, here are my growing "xmas" trees (not sure what are they really called). I wanna grow some lavenders between them next summer.

Mmm, a new hobby?

4 Sept 2006 - Madonna's Confessions Tour.

I remember listening to her ever since, childhood, teens and till now, she till rocks. And she rocked Amsterdam Arena that Monday!

Woa, the lady was in command of her stage, turned the entire stadium into a discotheque-dance-club. It was a Powerful. Vibrant. Energetic. A gggrrreat show.

And she's still a hot hot hot babe at 48!

Whats in Amsterdam? Canals. Chinatown. Tulips. Prostitution. Drug.
Concert in Amsterdam? Bars. Drinks. Beers. Hotdogs. Ciggs.

No kiddin, one can drink and smoke! And bars are at every corners. Cool eh!

The evening started with DJ Tiesto spinning. People were migling, dancing, anticipating her arrival... And there she was, emerging from within a huge disco ball!

In fact, tickets for the standing area would be fantastic (which is more costly). Just feel like being at a super huge dance floor of a club! I got tickets with fixed seating cause I expected a chaos. 60,000 people maa!!!

But I was nicely suprised - No fuss, no rush, no pushing. Everyone was cool and happy. Dancing, drinking and smoking away. Hehe.

The lady was in good mood. She was smiley, chirpy and relax.

She said, "I've been smelling a lot of funny smoke around here *smiling* It's bad for my throat!"

Everyone screamed. 60,000

She chanted, "We are one, we are one, no more war, we want peace, no more blood, we want love, we want love, we want love, we are love...."

Everyone chanted. 60,000

She said, "Do you know that there are 34 wars going on in a world right now, and if I could stop only 1 I would do anything but I know that's not possible but I want to show them that it is possible to be all together, no matter what country you are from or what religion you are under the one roof like we are now in one big harmony!" And she asked everyone to hug the person next to us.

Everyone hugged. 60,000

She stucked her ass to the camera and then stucked her middle finger in between.

Everyone went wild. 60,000

Unforgettable!

I am bored. Can't find some interesting blogs to read. The ones I like are either updating too infrequent, or having holidays or not writing anymore.

I have been reading her blog, Girl. She writes very well, witty, funny and yet sexy. Recently, she even published her very first book. Then, her identity was spit out by the nosy paparazzi. Well, I guess it was a hardtime she had to go thru so she stopped writing for a while. I hope she'll be back soon!

Any other blogs to recommend to me?

Btw, Kenny's comments about Merdeka Day is hilarious - especially the part about our dear King and the funny pinch about flowers at the end.

Its still cloudy here but I can already see the shy sun peeping thru the big grey puffy clouds. I think he should be brave enough to shine for this weekend. He better be!

Its a long weekend for me - 2 house parties on Saturday. SGI-Belgium Monthly Meeting on Sunday. Hop, wiggle and dance in Madonna's concert on Monday @ Amsterdam. Yay!

Bon weekend!

Well, ma first attempt and it was a success! Of course, its cooking with assistance - a faraway phone call to my ma + Julia :)

Long Bean Rice

Ingredients
4 cloves of garlic (finely chopped)
1 large onion (finely chopped)
1 bowl of haebee (dried small shrimps)
1 bag of long beans (cut into pieces of 1 inch)
7 dried mushrooms (finely sliced)
1 piece of chicken breast meat (diced)
10 pieces of medium peeled shrimps (cut into small pieces)
3 cups of uncooked rice
Salt, Sugar, Pepper, Light Soya Sauce, Dark Soya Sauce

Instructions

1. Heat up wok with adequate amount of olive oil (healthier!)
2. Fry garlic, onion till light brown
3. Add the haebee and fry till fragrance
4. Add long beans and dried mushrooms. Add chicken meat and shrimps
5. Add salt, sugar, pepper, soya sauce and taste
6. Add uncooked rice + 1 cup of water
7. Add dark soya sauce to get preferred color :)
8. After this, put everything into rice cooker and add water and cook as per normal

Serving

This portion served 3 of us + 2 lunchbox for lunch at work next day :)

So yummy till I forgot to take a commemorative picture!!!

Feel like cooking :)

Never did I thought one day I will feel this way.

I just wanna cook cook cook and make great dishes.

STILL I am just cooking-day-dreaming.

Oh by the way, its great having a guest. Even greater when my guest is a good cook.

Julia sure can cook. Also, she's Cantonese so she make great yummy rich and healthy soup.

We have 2 visitors this weekend - Julia and ma sis, Kelly.

We cooked teochew porridge for lunch yesterday. My sister tried to give a hand in helping. This is what she made.

Well, we had a good laugh!

Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

I love this song.
There were moments where I felt that way during my trip.
Then I'll sing to myself, softly in my ears.

One of the days
(Stop keeping track of days because it was a holiday!)

We drove for an hour or so to Monaco. Its a small country ruled for 700 years by the Grimaldi family.

Area : 2 sq km / 1 sq miles
Population : 32,150

Sun. Glitz. Glamour. Rich. Famous. Expensive. Tax Free.

The very beautiful and impressive Monte Carlo. Damn, lots 40 bucks to the stupid slot machines. But now I dare say that Ms Teh was there, cashing "out" at Monte Carlo.

I'd say we have to have a drink there, in a very loungy bar just in front of Monte Carlo. Parked right in my view are rows of Ferraris and Maseratis and many others which are too expensive that I don't even know em ;)

Just wanna checkout if the drivers are cute.

Well, who knows, maybe I'd get to blink an eye with Brad Pitt, Prince Harry or err Paris Hilton. But it wasn't my night. Damn, 30 bucks for 2 drinks.

Day 3

Went to Nice! Walked around for a couple of hours before we join the usual crowd at the beach. Ehehe!!!

All kinds of mushrooms @ Saleya Market.

Old town Nice.

Crescent beach of Nice.

Abstract cactus. My sister say you can see an image of a deer in this art. Muaahah.

Nice harbour for the rich and famous.

In the late evening, we took a long drive to the top top of Vence. It was of nothingness. Cold. Silence. Me.

Day 2

This day we went looking for real sandy beaches. Drove right up to the centre of Antibes but well, it was another narrow long beach full of merry-holiday makers. So can you imagine the noises surrounding you while you lay there looking at the blue blue sea! Fiewww - NOISY!

Took at walk in the evening at the harbour of the riches and their boats.

I did take some good shots eh?

Each morning, we walk to the centre of Vence to go to the bakery and market for fresh deals to make our meals.

Homecooked meals! Budget holiday la... but it was cosy and relaxing!!!

My most ingenius buy is the portable hotplate for cooking - just 25 bucks and it cooks our food well for the entire week, outdoor. Smart he!

The place we rented has a small terrace in front with a BBQ pit. I've never done so many BBQs straight in a week in my entire life!!! :)

Yummy! Yummy!

Day 1

St. Paul is a beautiful medieval fortified village perched on a narrow spur between two deep valleys.

A view around St Paul.

Olive trees everywhere!

Pretty tiny wild flowers growing on the pathways.

Ooh, the willow trees always give me a sentimental feel.

The wall enclosing the village.

Typical pathway in medieval towns.

Hmm, enjoying the sunshine.


We went to the 'pebbles' beach at Antibes to laze and enjoy the sun. But it was very crowded!!! Imagine sunbathers lying less than 1m apart from each other!

But the colour of the sea - deepest blue I've ever seen, and above the line of the horizon, clear skies of a lighter shade of blue. Breathtaking!

With that in mind for consolation, we also squeezed ourselves in between the sardines of humans.

This picture was taken after the crowd has left though. I didnt wanna seemed rude because there was many boobies exposed earlier on.

There was a fireworks display that night on St Paul. After the fireworks, they lit up the entire village with red flames.

This pictures gives an eery feeling, as though people are trapped in a fire but if you look closer, all smiles on the people! Look closer!

Ah, all the little things in life that brings smiles.